


Brokenhearted

by AtoTheBean



Category: Star Trek RPF
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-04
Updated: 2015-03-04
Packaged: 2018-03-16 07:21:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3479351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AtoTheBean/pseuds/AtoTheBean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the day before the funeral...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> All complete fiction, obviously. No offense intended.

The phone only buzzes once, vibrating against the wood of the nightstand. The fact that he hears it shows just how lightly he's sleeping. Nevermind that he didn't get to sleep ‘til 4.

10:30 a.m. blurs across his vision. He fumbles for his glasses, knocking the phone off the charger. Swearing, he reaches an arm over the edge of the mattress, feeling around on the floor until he finds the offending phone. Finally, he brings it to his face.

He doesn’t know the foreign number, but the text is brief. A time (in three hours), a URL (http://us19.chatzy.com/tushah-etek-k'dular), and a password (Cerulean). It can really only be one person.

He types back “Okay” and drops the phone in the covers.

Three hours later, he has showered, caffeinated himself, and is curled up on the sofa in his most stretched out comfortable sweats. He’s checked Instagram, and there is still just the one, heartbroken message. He types the URL in his laptop and watches the pale green website come up, ask him for a password, and then for an alias. When he enters the chatroom, there’s only one other person there. He chokes a sobbing laugh at the other name, vaguely impressed with himself for even knowing the Vulcan for "son."

so it goes: Hey. You holding up?

sa-fu: Not really.

so it goes: Where are you? And what is this place?

sa-fu: Somewhere west of London on a flight to LA. And this is a private chat room.

sa-fu: I can’t text on the flight, but I can get wifi on the iPad. I wanted something more conversational than email. And private.

so it goes: So, you’re by yourself on an intercontinental red-eye flight?

sa-fu: Trying not to cry. Or be recognized. Luckily people are starting to fall asleep.

so it goes: I tried calling yesterday. After the Instagram.

sa-fu: I know. I was in no state to talk. And then I threw my phone and broke it.

so it goes: Hence the new number...

sa-fu: Yeah.

so it goes: I’m so sorry, Zach.

sa-fu: I just can’t believe he’s gone. I shouldn’t be surprised. He’s known for a while, I think. The last time I saw him, he hugged me so tightly. Looking back, I should have known.

so it goes: How could you have known?

sa-fu: His health hasn’t been good. He gave me such shit about smoking last time I saw him. Said he didn’t want me regretting it later.

sa-fu: I quit last night.

so it goes: Wow.

sa-fu: Probably not the best timing, when I’m already so stressed out. That’s what Miles thinks, anyway. But it makes me sick to think of putting in my mouth something that probably killed him.

so it goes: Yeah. So I take it you’re trying to get here for the funeral?

sa-fu: I’ll land with a few hours to spare. I’ll probably be a mess, but I’ll be there. I can’t not be there. I brought a suit to change into.

sa-fu: I was so angry when my dad died, I didn't want any part of the public process. But this time it feels different, and I just… I guess I need him to know what he meant to me.

so it goes: He knew.

sa-fu: I hope so. I’ve been so busy, lately. And on the wrong coast. Or continent.

so it goes: He knew, Zach. I’ve seen the two of you together. He knew, and he felt the same way.

so it goes: Zach?

sa-fu: Sorry. Had to get some tissues. God I’m such a fucking wreck. I wish I were there already. Hearing in Berlin, alone… it was the worst.

so it goes: Fuck. I'm sorry. You've been shooting pickups?

sa-fu: yeah. I found out between scenes. It was a disaster, but they let me go... Said they had what they needed, more or less. Probably a lie, but I was beyond trying to act. Then Miles called.

so it goes: That's good.

sa-fu: He offered to come out to LA to come to the funeral with me.

so it goes: And…

sa-fu: I told him it was okay. That there would be Trek people there to support me. To be honest, it’s almost worse with him trying to help.

so it goes: What? Why?

sa-fu: He tries to be supportive, he really does. But he never met Leonard, didn’t know him or see us together. I think he thinks I have some sort of hero crush.

so it goes: That’s not what you have.

sa-fu: I know. I really did consider him a second father. Talked to him about issues in my life, heeded his advice. That wasn’t just interview bullshit.

so it goes: I know. And I know it took a lot to feel that after losing your own dad. It’s no small thing, Zach.

sa-fu: Are you going?

so it goes: uh, maybe? I've been a little on the fence. I wasn’t as close to the family as you are, and this is not a big Hollywood event. I feel a bit like an intruder.

sa-fu: Oh.

so it goes: But if it would help you, I’ll be there. I was invited... I can go. I've been procrastinating on my RSVP because I wasn't sure if I was up for going alone.

sa-fu: Susan asked me to speak. I called to let her know I had a flight, and she burst into tears and asked.

so it goes: I'll go. I'll send the RSVP right now.

sa-fu: Really?

so it goes: You found out alone. There’s no way I’m letting you stand up there at the funeral by yourself. Not if me being there helps.

sa-fu: It would. You get it, what he was to me. And he

sa-fu: really liked you Chris. Warned me against taking our friendship for granted.

so it goes: You don’t do that.

sa-fu: I probably do. But I’m going to try to be better.

sa-fu: He was always trying to get me to look at myself and my behavior and how I treated people. Not criticizing, but encouraging reflection. And you came up more than once.

so it goes: He was an amazing guy. Wise and brave. I've been reading his poems again. I'm glad you had him in your life. That we both did, but especially that you did.

sa-fu: I'm going to miss him so much. I still can't process it.

so it goes: What’s your plan when you arrive?

sa-fu: I don't have one yet. I guess rent a car and put the address in my phone and follow the directions. I’ll be too brain dead for much else.

so it goes: You on the road after a red-eye sounds terrifying. Why don’t I pick you up from the airport, and we can drive together. We can even stop somewhere so you can get a quick shower.

sa-fu: That sounds great, actually.

so it goes: brb

sa-fu: You need to go?

sa-fu: Chris?

so it goes: Nope, I can stay on as long as you need me. But you need to try to sleep. We have rooms, btw.

sa-fu: God, I really do. I don’t know if I can. And I need to write my thing for the funeral.

so it goes: I’ll leave this window open. You can bounce writing off me if you want. But try to rest. And I’ll see you when you land.

sa-fu: okay.

sa-fu: Chris?

so it goes: Yeah?

sa-fu: I’m really glad I have you in my life, too.

***

They stand shoulder to shoulder during the eulogy, until it’s time for Zach to go to the front to speak. His hands are shaking, but Chris is fairly confident no one else will notice. Standing at the podium, adjusting the mic, Zach clears his throat and gives Chris a subtle nod before starting.

“I first met Leonard Nimoy in an elevator…”


	2. Art for Brokenhearted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ducky made this as a surprise... I love it and wanted to share. I actually tried to do the colors in AO3, but this is so much better.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/55449539@N08/16530086059)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sure anyone on tumblr understands most of the references. "So it goes" is a references to Vonnegut, relevant only because it refers to mortality.
> 
> Thanks to the Pinto Bar and Ducky.
> 
> I grieve with thee...


End file.
